demon

I hate you my soul is missing. I know you took it. I miss smiling and happiness is an outdated concept. Karma will come for you with a baseball bat, and when your blood stains the earth, I will smile. I built my castle and I will also tear it down. If you had a heart I would eat it, if you had a soul I would steal it. But I’m not cruel so I’ll just leave you alone.

I’m a friend of the devils. Are you a friend of mine?

empty once again

i always have this empty feeling in myself. always. it not particularly big, but its there, i can hear it.
i hate it. all i want is to have that banished from my body, from my mind.
i cannot let it go, because i always have a reason to feel empty, lost, confused.
and sometimes when i am happy, it comes back, like a big wave crashing down on me, pulling me into the tide, pushing my body back and forth, undrowned.

alone

i was sitting alone at the park smoking today and i was finally able to be alone with m thoughts. i realized that i have nobody. it is a very sad thing to say but its true. after 9 months i finally saw that everyone in my life is gone. i used to call everyone to meet me but my friend marisse told me they should be the ones calling me, wanting me to hang out with them. i really hated everyone at the time and at the end of the day i knew i was alone and all i had left with me was myself. i am completely done with life. i dont really want to live anymore but somehow i want to prove to people i am not just some annoying pretty girl. i want to learn and study and show them i am something more than just that. i am going to make that happen because i know i am better than them. i know it.